A Thank You Letter To My Patients

Don’t get me wrong, I value education and ongoing development as a professional. I have learned a lot from books over the years but I have learned even more through relationships. 

If you have ever been my patient, you know who I am. 

Although I am a professional, I try to make therapy FUN. I crack jokes, laugh with my patients, hug them, cry with them and most of all, I swear a lot because that’s just me.  

My ethics background ensures that I do not cross client-professional boundaries, but I truly believe that setting boundaries doesn’t mean that I can’t be myself. People are surprised that I hug and cry with my patients. They think that a healthcare professional should not show vulnerability because it can be seen as weakness or unprofessional. 

Personally, I believe that showing vulnerability can enrich relationships.Crying is not weakness to me. In my opinion, connecting with another human being is the basis of human existence whether it’s through laughing or crying. 

When a patient enters my clinic room, they are already feeling physically vulnerable. Taking off your pants and showing your genitals to a complete stranger can be awkward. Add a history of trauma and the vulnerability rises and may include emotional vulnerability too. I don’t sympathize with patients: I empathize. 

I feel their energy.

I take the time to ask questions to understand their physical and emotional situation.

I thank them for sharing their story with me and providing as much information as they can. 

No patient wants you to feel pity for them.  F*ck that. They want my help. And by being myself, I have learned three main things from my patients:

1.EMPATHIZE, don’t sympathize.

Most people are anxious on their first visit, so I educate them on the step-by-step process of the assessment and treatment and show them all my tools and equipment in the room. I ask them if they have any questions or if I have missed anything. I never cut someone off when they are talking. I respect my patients, because sometimes it’s the first time they have ever spoken about their pain and feel vulnerable. I give them the time to be themselves, I give them encouraging words, I tell them I am here for them and that my door is always open.

2.BE OPEN.

I don’t push anything onto my patients. I don’t tell them to get over their emotions around their sexual dysfunction or pelvic pain. Sure, I tell my patients that some things are encouraged based on legitimate research and if it was me, I would do this or that. But I respect my patients enough that they should be autonomous and make their own decisions.

I share my real feelings and thoughts around therapy. I share my personal journey of vulvodynia, sexual dysfunction, gender identification and mental illness. I don’t share my life story with every patient but if I think that my relationship with the patient will grow with openness, I trust my instinct and go for it. My patients reveal so much to me and I want to reciprocate when appropriate. I believe that my patients appreciate my authenticity and I want to show up as my true self.

3.BE HONEST.

I am on fire all the time. 

I have high energy and I spread that much needed love to my patients. I’m pumped most days because I love my job so much. I love my patients and I care about them. I like spending quality time with them. My patients are honest with me (they tell me they haven’t done their home exercise program at all) and I appreciate that. In return, I am honest too. 

When my energy is too much for someone, I apologize. I’ve learned that for some people, I need to bring it down a few notches. And when I don’t know something, I tell my patients that I need to educate myself more or refer them to someone else who may know more about a condition or treatment method. If I make a mistake, I am honest and tell my patients that I did something that I could have done differently. When I think there is nothing else that I can offer, I tell them straight up that I am no longer helpful for their continued care. I reveal my truth and I hope it makes a difference. I believe that honesty goes a long way.

I grow because my patients share their stories with me.

I look forward to continuing to learn from you.  

So, from the bottom of my heart,

Thank you. 💖