5 ways to get more pleasure out of sex
That “no pain, no gain” thing? It really shouldn’t ever be a part of your sex life. (Unless you’re into it. In that case, you do your thing!) Sex is meant to pleasurable and fun, not something you grit your teeth through or feel/think that’s just okay. As a pelvic health physiotherapist, these are my top five ways to maximise your pleasure - and lose the pain.
#1. Lubrication is your friend
If that initial penetration through your anus or vagina is painful, then go for a lubricant. Go to TOWN with it! Put it on yourself, inside and out. Put in on your partner or whatever object that’s going into you – alllll over it. It should be messy so have a towel ready or put a water resistant blanket under you. The less friction you feel, the better, so make that lubrication thick as hell.
#2. Switch up those positions
If you’re someone with a vagina who finds sex painful, it could be because you’ve got right inner thighs or hip flexors. That means a position like missionary or doggy style on all fours will hurt, because you’re contracting an already shortened muscle, which refers the pain into your vagina. (Crazy, right?!) If you’re looking for something that’s comfortable and help you and your partner go for longer, try side-by-side (like you’re spooning) or being on top, especially if you’ve got a vagina, since that allows you to control the level of penetration.
#3. Spice it up with toys
Your options are endless here - toys for people with vaginas, toys for people with penises, toys for couples to use together - and I say try them all! (Toronto people: If you’re looking for guidance, check out Good For Her, which also offers workshops.) If you’re looking for something discrete that’s still a lot of fun, check out the We-Vibe. Designed for couples, it’s a clip that goes into an orifice with one end, and onto the outside of the body with the other. That means you’re getting internal and external vibrations. It also comes with an app so you can increase or decrease the waves of vibration.
#4. Be proactive about premature ejaculation
If you’re someone who experiences premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, you don’t have to just live with it. There’s actually fascinating science behind the importance of the pelvic floor muscles in preventing premature ejaculation - they need to contract at the right strength and coordination to achieve ejaculation and maintain an erection - which means that there are things you can do to treat this. If you’re interested in learning more, I can’t recommend the work of Dr Grace Dorey enough on this topic. Or come see me (or another pelvic health physiotherapist) to explore your treatment options.
#5. Talk to your partner(s)
This is the last one, but I think it’s the most important: Communicate! Your partner or partners do not know what you like or don’t like. Period. They can’t read your mind. If you want them to please you, let them know how - and be specific, like ‘Go right, go left, go deeper, change positions.” You get what you want when you ask for it – trust me! And don’t forget to ask what they like too.